Treading in Rain

a photo poem

I've recently been introduced to the principles of chaos

I would like to think a warning may have reconciled, to some extent, my severed trust in Him

but I know no caution could calm the storm inside my heart

Now, I think back to my innocence: an unsuspecting walk the world chose to mock

I heard stories about how the world wasn't ours, nor His, but free range for atrocity

always in the distance someone was taken too soon at the hands of thieves shielded by night

And still, I fell into routine that morning, thinking when I looked back all would be as I left it

I did this every morning; and every evening, the stability of Earth's rotation, of a family's wholeness was reassured

It was this same stability that I detested in my career, as I waited for my dreams to materialize

I moved with an irreverence for my reality

rather than cherishing the ambrosial essence of my loved ones as if time was of the very essence

Maybe I encountered a presentiment and it went ignored;

maybe it's been raining since the beginning; 

maybe Hell visited me on Earth because I had plans,

I had plans: the antithesis of chaos

I know people who suffocate themselves in superstition–

who surrender sleep to search for crows,

fixating on four to six minutes:

a short window of time before flesh goes cold

It's hard to ignore the clouds: once translucent, now opacus–

I wish to renounce this loss,

to not reduce my sorrow to questions ("why?" or the validity of "fairness")

This is life, I didn't decide it, but I can no longer question or deny it

And as we all walk down the same path, some still convinced that everything happens for a reason,

I pray it doesn't hurt when the illusion unsettles

I won't disclose the truth, if they share my past naïveté they won't believe it anyway,

not until the rain engulfs them,

an osmotic consequence of existing–and surviving.